We're back home again in Florida after seventeen shows in seven weeks in five states: Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, Delaware and Ohio. Great trip, successful shows, lots of laughs, and lots of time with family and friends, too numerous to name.
Then our first night on the road at the "Bates Motel". We checked in at 7 PM. The place was so creepy we checked back out at 11:30 PM. (By the way, here's a fun fact...did you know that every motel in North America is either owned, operated, or managed by someone named "Patel"?) So we just decided to keep driving. This put us in Washington DC at 3 AM. Due to some confusion between our Mapquest directions and our GPS, we ended up driving right smack through the MIDDLE of Washington DC. At 3 AM. And keep in mind that by now our car alarm is completely disabled. Buddy said that if the van broke down, he'd just shoot himself, and save the car jackers and drug dealers the trouble. But we made it through.
A couple hours later it was my turn to take the wheel and let Buddy sleep. Since we were heading for Massachusetts, I knew all I had to do was stay on route 95 for a really long time. How hard could that be? What I didn't know is that route 95 becomes the New Jersey Turnpike, and I hit it right at the beginning of rush hour. But no problem. Plenty of lanes. Just stay on 95. But I also didn't know that route 95 would take me right across the George Washington Bridge INTO THE BRONX. Understand that I don't do city driving. I am sometimes nervous driving in downtown Englewood during certain times of the day. So imagine my state of mind as I find myself on the top deck of the George Washington Bridge, where all the semi trailer trucks and big buses are directed to go (gee thanks GPS) during full-on New York City rush hour traffic. As the icy fingers of panic quickly close around my throat, I'm still thinking "just stay on 95". And then the sweet female voice of our GPS calmly says "Exit right." And that's how poor Buddy awoke from his peaceful slumber. Me screaming "I CAN'T! I CAN'T GET OVER!!" Who knew that after the bridge you have to EXIT to STAY on route 95??!! Didn't see that one coming.
It's kind of a blur after that. I vaguely remember making my way over to the next exit which brought us into the kind of neighborhood I've only seen on Law & Order, getting trapped in the middle of an intersection blocking traffic, driving under the "el" like a slow motion version of the French Connection, and finally finding a place to pull over and let Buddy drive, but not before slamming the right front tire up over the curb. But by the grace of God we eventually made our way through the mean streets of the Bronx, back to route 95. And it only took another hundred miles or so for both of us to finally blink our eyes once or twice and stop speaking in tongues.
More later. Just remembering is making me sweat.
GLAD TO BE BACK HOME!!
